My world today

Trying to find hope in old farmhouses, the joy of holding my sleeping daughter all night, crossing things off lists, the gleam of my kitchen table, quiet holiday music, and lots and lots of coffee.

Trying to let go of fear, worry, exhaustion, and piles of discouraging news.

I spent last night holding Audrey while she coughed in her sleep, woke this morning to (continued) chaos in our house, made a tough decision to declaw our cat, scheduled everything, rescheduled everything, and quietly gave up. For today.

This feels as though it will all come together at once; similarly to the way my daughter is trying so hard to walk right now — clinging to our fingers, standing up on her own without realizing it, a few tumbling steps holding onto my pants leg, grinning all the while. One day, very soon, she will just stand up and walk. It’s the learning, with all its bruises and stumbles, that leaves me shaking.

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