waiting

Dear Spoon,

I’m ready to meet you now. I know that you can’t get here just yet. We will reach the 34 week mark tomorrow. Close, so close. You have been growing so much. The last couple of weeks you turned on to your side, and have been bracing yourself against my ribcage with your feet. (Thank you for that — sheesh!) We seem to go to the doctor all the time now. They were going to do an ultrasound at the last visit to determine your position, but you have gotten so large that the midwife didn’t need an ultrasound; she could see exactly where you are sleeping through the skin stretched tight on my belly. and if I sit at just the right angle, I can too.

You get the hiccups a lot these days; small rhythmic fluttering against my left side. Aaron is always amazed by your hiccups. I’ve been playing with you a bit, since I discovered that if I push gently on your heel you will kick in response. I’ve been really tired, and admittedly a bit scared. I’m not terribly worried about labor, or even how to take care of you once you are here, but I have this giant question which looms in my mind like the stubborn fog which is determined to sit on the hills the whole day.

Am I doing the right thing?

It’s a versatile question, of course. It seems I can apply it to anything, large or small. That seems handy for a worrier like me.

I promise I will always try to do the right thing for you, and that I will try not to mess things up too badly — whether they are big things or small things. I hope I can adopt Aaron’s faith in myself and in us, and I hope that the three of us can remember that we’re all learning about this together.

In the meantime, keep growing and making us laugh with your hiccups. (I still can’t believe that you’re nearly six pounds!) We’ll see you in a few more weeks.

<3,

mama

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1 Comment

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One response to “waiting

  1. Irene

    This is so sweet! I hope you’ll be able to compile all of these one day and give it to Spoonie when its older to understand. And I can totally relate to the whole, “Am I doing the right thing” bit… hence why I haven’t had kids yet. But I’m sure you and Aaron will be wonderful parents. Can’t believe the due date is almost here! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

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