I’ve been quiet lately, I know. There have been several reasons for this, but mostly, they sound like excuses to me. There is so much to do lately, and I wish I could say that those things are taking all of my time, but there has been little accomplished on any front.
We are in the very slow process of finishing up the house. It is moving at a glacial pace, which is frustrating to me, only because we really could get everything done in a weekend if we were simply dedicated to it. I have completed more on this house in a day than what remains. But something about finishing it up is daunting; as though the finality of it were some ending of something larger. I never thought that trim work and tile and a few chemicals could be so very intimidating.
Perhaps it is because when we finish the last of the house projects, we must then pack everything in boxes and find another place to live. I am baffled by the number of things we have acquired since moving here. There is still some part of me who feels most comfortable with all of my worldly possessions packed in one hefty bag in the back of a Geo hatchback. And yet, I was that girl nearly fifteen years ago. It’s amazing how things change, and how I still sometimes long for that level of simplicity and freedom. Gypsy blood, my friend calls it.
The logistics of buying a second house are daunting as well. How one navigates when to apply for a mortgage, when to start looking for another house (not too soon, not too late), and how to close on one house the day after (or the same day?) as the first — these things are completely intimidating to me.
I need to reconstruct my website and get some real marketing material out there. In August, the business becomes my primary income, and word of mouth only carries so far. This enormous step is something I have been working toward for a year (longer, really), and it is both wonderful and terrifying. Additionally, it complicates navigation of our housing transition. I will continue to teach part-time, but only part-time — enough to cover student loan payments and maybe a nice cup of coffee.
Our family is growing as well. More on that later… Once I manage to wrap my head around it completely, and become a little more brave.
In short, there is so much to do. And I haven’t been getting it done. I pick and peck at the list, but have finished nothing; opting instead to fall into a heap of exhaustion for a time. Meanwhile, there are weeds in the garden, and dust on the shelves. The most exciting dinner this week was macaroni and cheese. I’m trying to either be okay with that, or change it. I’ll keep you posted. I have been so fragile lately, nearly everything leaves me feeling ragged. I am very much looking forward to sending on this batch of students in a few weeks and getting on a plane to head to the east coast for a week. Then three weeks of summer school, and just about the same amount of time to accomplish everything on my list, before the school year starts again.
What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed? Do you have some wonderful strategy to get over it and accomplish everything on your list? Do you just accept it and do the best you can? Do you run away?