Christmas eve

The last week has been a whirlwind, filled with long lists and family drama I would rather avoid. Sunday we hosted a lovely Yule dinner with about a dozen of our closest friends. Tonight, with everything wrapped (except for the last two unknitted presents for my dear, sweet husband — I guess they will come later), I am sitting on the sofa with a mug of eggnog and granola baking in the oven. My house is filled with warmth and the smell of vanilla and cinnamon. We are both off work this christmas, my husband and I, and I am looking forward to spending the day together tomorrow. I am realizing once again that everyone has two families: one they are born into and one which they choose. Sometimes it is easier to be near one of those families than another. Because the long and short of it is, you can’t change people, no matter how much you love them. And really, that’s okay. Because no one needs to change. We’ve all been just a little bit poisoned by the Cleaver family and the Disney princesses, and at some point as adults, we realize that.

I feel as though the last several years have been all about me settling in to my life, about being okay with other people not always understanding me, and about not defending it. Because really, it’s a lot of wasted energy. So, I’m learning.

I’m looking forward to longer days, and to spring. I’m looking forward to next year and all of the changes it will bring. Mostly, though, I’m looking forward to being able to just enjoy my life without concessions. Living by the Rede, and all of that.

For everyone in my life (and anyone else who may read this blog), I wish you all the peace that comes with acceptance, and the quiet sort of confidence that comes with living simply and authentically. Also, I wish you a warm home that smells of fresh granola. Merry Christmas.

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